Everyone needs one, and most times you don’t really have one and you need to come up with one right on the spot.

An Exit Strategy is what you use when you desperately need to get the hell out of a social obligation.

I received a phone call from a friend inviting me to a Samra at 6PM last night. Now, I might be clueless about these things but who the hell has a Samra from 6 to 8 and then goes out.

I quickly replied “I’ll see if I have a car..” and forgot about him, as I called some friends and asked if they’re going to be there and I found out I’d be the only one there with a bunch of guys I don’t know. I picked up my friends and soon he began to call each and every one of us one by one to invite us, and we had to elaborately lie. When he called me at 8PM, I just spat out the errandsI ran at noon as if I was doing them at the time

“ุงู…ูŠ ุฏู‚ุช ุนู„ูŠ ูˆู‚ุงู„ุชู„ูŠ ุงูŠูŠุจู„ู‡ุง ุดูŠ ู…ู† ู…ุดุบู„ ุจุงู„ุนุฏูŠู„ูŠุฉ ุŒ ูˆุจุนุฏูŠู† ู„ุงุฒู… ุงุฑูˆุญ ุงุดุชุฑูŠ ูˆุฑู‚ ุนู†ุจ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฌู…ุนูŠุฉ.. ู‡ุงุŸ ุงูŠ ุจุงู„ุนุฏูŠู„ูŠุฉ ุงู„ุญูŠู† =O “.

It worked, but soon after I was supposed to meet them after I finished my “errands”. I quickly hated the night out due to bad music on the radio, and the fact that a guy I loathe is with them. You see, this guy throws up if he laughs too much, he smells like armpits, he once stared at a 6 year old’s ass in lust and he enjoys doing the “I would like to perform oral sex on you, fine lady!” gesture to many.

My exit strategy consisted of playing the emo role(Kraysee was my inspiration), soon it hit me! “My brother’s travelling tomorrow morning, I need to be at home in time to say goodbye.” and I ditched them after dropping them off taking a long relaxing drive by myself, only to come home and watch Titanic on TV.

Best Exit Strategies :

- “I’m so fuckin’ dizzy..” card.

- Calling random family members and saying incoherent things to them, as you elaborately build up your sweet escape.

- Blaming excess traffic, and saying you can’t be late. Works well if you have 4, 5 guys to drop off to their homes which takes a long awful amount of time if you’re dizzy and really want to come home.

- The good ol’ “I have diarrhea, I’m only comfortable to my room’s bathroom.” Never used, but works well in theory along with some random moaning in the car “ummm..UHH..I want home.. =( “.

- Spitting out a random family obligation.

- Care to add more?

End of transmission.

I often drift off in debates with myself, and weirdly enough I usually enrich myself by myself. The main flaw in debating with whoever is around me is that in most cases they get the person involved not the argument. Whenever I seem to debate with my friends about a certain topic, they discuss the person not their argument. For instance, I have a friend(an actual one, not code for me) who’s very knowledgable in religion but whenever he offers solid arguments they attack him for not being dedicated to what he knows. So for someone who loves to argue, I seem to do most of it with myself.

Onto my current inquiry, I read somewhere that when adopting a foreign language one must becareful and use it as a means of communication rather than a vessel of thought. In Kuwait, English is firmly the second language if not the first for some. With the universal trend of the west being the sun shining evolution to the world, and every idea coming from the west being adopted by many. I question what is the standard that makes something ideal, or right to a world wide scale.

A rule, a thought, a way of living is always criticized by the world. The people in power earn the right to be the critiques, and their thought earns the right to be the alpha monkey of thoughts. I see that while studying history, if there was a standard for what is right and what people should follow then most of the tyrants in history wouldn’t have lasted enough to get mentioned in history. They only fell because people with different thoughts gained more strength and took their place.

Now obviously, the Arab World isn’t strong hence we’re following the strong one’s thought. From my careful observations, many prefer Western literature to Arabic literature, just like how many speak English primarily more than Arabic. An effect of adopting the English language as a second language, or a global effect of western power countries shining on other countries?

I’m not seeing this from an Arab person’s point of view, just observing my culture and seeing how it’s greatly altered by another from a neutral point of view, and I’m wondering if the English language wasn’t adopted by many would the effect be of the same magnitude? A language carries a culture, with its literature, media, and interaction with its native speakers, so if it was treated as a means of communication instead of a vessel of thought would the effect have been the same on the Kuwaiti culture for instance?

Most of what we see as corrupt, vile and frowned upon or simply contradictory to us is perfectly normal elsewhere. Slowly we’ve opened up, and began to take comfort to the new ideas to the point where independent parties support the new ideas over the old ones as what is right, but there’s no righteous scale to what’s right. The final law used to be God’s words, but nowadays it’s looked at as more of a philosophy than the final say. The level of rejection to new thought decreased, and things are taken lightly. First rejected, then observed and slowly embraced.

I don’t have a focal point as usual.

End of transmission.

So I escaped from school, I jumped a 3 meter high wall because the headmaster(ุญูุธุฉ ุงู„ู„ู‡ ูˆุฑุนุงู‡) closed everything and painted some fences with this liquid so we wouldn’t be able to touch it, so I was pressured to do this. He probably was a punk in the day, so he knows our every trick. Most of the school’s budget is on new fences.

Thankfully, Carrera Girl was no where to be seen. Everytime I hop the fence she seems to be passing by and I say in my heart “Why..why..why..” and then I take my shoe off and get the sand out and keep on marching to wherever. Props to Qurtuba girls, they provide a nice scenery in the morning. I’m guessing waking up at 5AM to get dressed makes you look that good but oh well, “wake-up-at-7″ suspic approves.

The point remains is I obviously injured myself deeply and I need the comfort of the female bloggers.

Please comfort me in an orderly manner, you’ll all get your turn.

P.S. Just in case one of you has no soul..

-

End of transmission.

There seems to be an outbreak in lack of class these days, and when asked it’s called personal freedom. The only thing missing is snapping their fingers and going “umm..hmm!”. It’s quite rude, and quite childish and quite stupid to have to explain to them that your freedom shouldn’t invade another’s freedom.

I enjoy the mutual respect, those selfless acts you do for no personal interest at all but for the other’s respect. It’s refreshing. Once an old woman and myself were walking towards a door from opposite ends and I opened the door to let her pass and I swear I heard the most sincere thank you ever, no matter how cold you are that just refreshes your sense of humanity. It was an old building in Hawally, so she probably was a drug dealer or a pimp of some sort..

It’s not much, but I often read about how one person’s nice trivial act to another made their day and nowadays the situation turned and it went from a random stranger smiled to me to a random stranger gave me the look for making eye contact.

On a personal scale, I find it a lot amongst friends and such. When you see a friend crossing that red line where the others go “Oooh!” to see the other’s reaction. I have friends of different backgrounds so every once in a while I see A making fun of B’s origins, or C teasing D about his religious path. It can be considered humorous play but all in all it’s not classy. I don’t know if it’s my personality, or the fact that I don’t address certain topics and stay on the sideline that makes me neutral but I’m willing to sacrifice that level of humor instead of crossing a red line, and becoming like my friends who were once considered so close they were gay for each other and now it’s just “G’morning!”.

Another thing I’m noticing is people aren’t embarrassed anymore, nothing is “!ุนูŠุจ! ูุดู„ุฉ”. Whether it’s a kid coming to class 5 minutes before it ends and perfectly expecting to be let in and storming out if he wasn’t let in, or if it’s holding a laugh in front of a funny lookin’ guy.

I have no focal point, just another one of those realizations. On a lighter note, I’ve always wanted to slap someone with a white glove and challenging them to a duel for lack of class..

End of transmission.

I don’t know if it’s the hershey’s pie, or the fact that I woke up at 12am that made me see things.

At 4am, I decided I wanted to go eat something, and I decided on Janob Elsirra’s McD’s that’s supposedly open for 24 hours a day which was a big corporate lie!

On my way there I got followed by a black Dodge Charger which I persume wanted a piece of my hershey’s pie(the actual one, nothing sexual you pervs). He was by my side along the entire way there, and when we got to McD I noticed it was closed and parked near Mr.Baker while he got in even though it was obviously closed, and I took my time in Burger King and when I got out he was waiting in the parking lot, not parked, waiting before the speed bump with no one there besides us, which means he took a long turn to the next traffic light to take a U-turn, and then another U-turn afterwards to get to McD just to park there. I went to my car, and when I reversed and proceeded to the parking lot for the exit he wasn’t there..

I looked for him on the road, he was nowhere to be seen. First it’s Kraysee with McD’s apple juice, and now it’s me with Burger King’s hershey’s pie!

—

Onto my point, it was late and all the streets were empty. I was at University Bridge(Yes, I translated it) at the traffic light and I was there contemplating crossing the red light. Well, it wasn’t me. It was mini-suspic-with-devil horns on my left shoulder saying..

El Diablo: ” No one’s there, what could possibly go wrong? ”

suspic : ” But..but..mom always said a car could come out of no where!! ”

El Diablo : ” But you can obviously see no one’s there, no one! At the four points of the intersection..no one! ”

suspic : ” ..but..it’s the law!!! ”

El Diablo : ” What’s the point of the law, my friend? To organize the masses! If no one’s there, what’s the point of regulations to perserve the greater good? Would there be laws in a one man society? You’re a one man society now! You are the master of your domain! Hit the gas! Hit it! ”

* Light turns green *

suspic : ” AHAHAHAHA! I fooled you! I argued with you til it turned green, you naive imbecile! Who’s the Diablo now, huh? Who’s your daddy? ”

* suspic lowers the window and throws El Diablo off the bridge *

suspic : ” AAAAAAAAAA..HAHAHAHA! ”

The same thing happened a minute later at the traffic light after it.. El Diablo was nowhere to be seen.

End of transmission.

You might be wondering what this post is about, and why I have a picture of a crazed man in tattered robes and straw sandals in the beginning, and you might be wondering who it reminds you of but the post is much more than crossdressers and who they remind you of because the answer is obvious.

Today I woke up at 7, and I didn’t feel like going to school so I missed the first 3 classes to sleep. Since it’s my last semester and the end is near I’m kind of losing it, but I like to live dangerously on the edge. I walked in late, and I walked in on a group of my friends performing a gay thing. I wish I hadn’t, I was blinded by the scene, I was scarred, I was ashamed of knowing them..

A group of 18 year old guys, tall men with hair all over their faces, were skipping class and sitting in a circle with an empty bottle of Abraj water in the middle. At first, I was confused, then I focused and I saw giggles, and I saw some spinning. They were playing spin the bottle. I’m don’t..I can’t..I don’t want to..I’m..I’m..I’m simply ashamed. I, suspic the great, go to school with these supposed men. I wish there was a legal law to strip them off their testicles. That’s the equivalent of their mother walking in on them touching themselves to teletubbies.

I’m beyond hesistant to make this post for the sake of the Arab World’s reputation, but I’m dry on material and a good showman does what he must..

Flan : ุจูŠูŠู‡ูŠู‡ูŠู‡ูŠุจูˆุจูˆูˆ ุŒ ุดุณู… ุงู„ู„ูŠ ุชูƒู„ู…ู‡ุงุŸ

Flan2 : ุงู…ุจูŠู‡ ู…ุงู‚ุฏุฑ ุŒ ู„ุง ู…ุง ูŠุณูŠุฑ ุŒ ุงุณุชุญูŠ ุŒ ู…ุงุจูŠ ุงุฌุงูˆุจ

Flan : ูŠู„ุง ู‚ูˆู„ูŠ ุŒ ู…ุง ุฑุงุญ ุงู‚ูˆู„ ู„ุงุญุฏ ุŒ ู„ุงุฒู… ุงู„ุจุทู„ ูŠุฃุดุฑ ุนู„ูŠูƒ ุงู…ุจูŠู‡ ุŒ ุงู†ุช ู…ู„ุฒู… ุฃุฎู„ุงู‚ูŠุง ูˆุฑูˆุญูŠุง ูˆุฌุณุฏูŠุง ุงู†ูƒ ุชุฌุงูˆุจ ุŒ ู„ุงุฒู… ุจุนุฏ ู‡ุฐูŠ ู‚ูˆุงู†ูŠู† ุงู„ุจุชู„ ุงูŠู‡ูŠู‡ูŠู‡ูŠู‡ูŠ

Flan2 : ูˆุงุงูŠ ูุดู„ู‡ …. ุงุณู…ู‡ุง ูู„ุงู†ู‡

Group : ุงูŠูŠูŠูŠู‡ูŠู‡ูŠุจูŠูŠู‡ูŠู‡ูŠุจูˆูˆ ุŒ ูŠู„ุง ุฏูˆุฑ ุงุญุฏ ุซุงู†ูŠ.. ูู„ุงู† ุงู„ุจุชู„ ู‚ุงุนุฏ ูŠุฃุดุฑ ุนู„ูŠูƒ ุงูŠูŠูŠู‡ู‡ูŠู‡ูŠ

Flan3 : *cusses their mothers and their vaginas*

** Conversation slightly altered with an increase of faggotism due to suspic’s prospective of the thing.

—

It’s funny how guys react to boredom, whether it’s this gay shit, or the other day when it was raining when we put our heads out of the windows and drove fast screaming “Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!” at the rain drops bitchslapping our faces, or when we all skipped and jumped like Mario when no one was looking..

After multiple exchanges of insults, I proceeded to English class to learn how to use an answering machine, where I said “You say the fucking message” silently, and then I was taught how to take a message for someone, where I said “You write the fucking message” silently. I didn’t know there were protocols to these things. Next time perhaps I’ll learn how to use an escalator, “OMG, you just stand there?”.

Even Absi, the robot thought it was patronizing.

End of transmission.

I wanted to post a cool picture of a sandstorm but this picture was better.. I call it “carrot failing to evolve”.

Stuck in a sandstorm

As we were in the car on our way to the Avenues the weather was beautiful, we took a spiral bridge(?) to get down to the 5th. ring road we saw a whole new scene where you couldn’t see a thing but vague lights ahead, with blinking hazard lights and cars slowing down. We laughed, and kept going and as we got deeper it got worse to the point where we had to stop but we feared an idiot would crash into us, we got with the heavier stopped traffic and stopped and soon after we were in the middle of a sandy tornado, an actual Kuwaiti one, I call him Misba7. I wanted to go out but I realized I’d choke so I kept quiet as my friend went into a contagious hysteria of laughing as we couldn’t see the car that was literally stuck to our front bumper as tree branches flew near us.

The moral of the story is how to react in times like this, a friend’s relative stopped when he couldn’t see a thing and a speeding moron drove right into him from the back causing his pregnant wife in the passenger seat to pile up in the foot area, his daughterflying from the backseat to the front panel making her face bleed and him going right through the steering wheel..which also made him hit the car in front of him, and so did the car in front him hit another car. You can say they should’ve wore a seatbelt but still, who does nowadays?

Wind-ows?

My friends family were near the sea at the time of the peak and they said it was crazy. They soon called my friend when all shit went down and there began the process of each caller topping the others “crazy weather” story, and they won against our “we parked and sand was all around us lewl” story. They were in their car, and soon when the air started to hit hard all the glass started to crack and soon after it shattered which made them get out of the car with glass all over their clothes.

On a sadder note, the car in front of them had a similar incident but the kid walked out with glass in his face. It shattered into him. I must say I giggled then I felt sad.. You can’t blame me I was imagining him stuck to the window going “wowzies!” and then it exploded into his face.

Youth Power

When trees were all over the road, guys stopped and tried to remove them to get traffic going on the road. I quite liked that, a bunch of Egyptian guys and some Kuwaitis guys trying to remove the tree. We quickly parked and got down, and eventually the tree was removed by a man in a pathfinder with his family, he parked and offered to tow it into the closest area. It was epic.

It’s somewhat funny to me. It’s like my generation saying “hey we can do stuff!” to the older generations who also did stuff in ‘90. I’m not saying it’s by any chance similar in any way, but y’know.. I like to think.

Over-used words during the day by a friend

“!ู‡ุฐุง ูƒู„ู‡ ุบุถุจ! ุบุถุจ ู…ู† ุฑุจูƒ”

End of transmission.

My dear citizens, yesterday crazy shit happened. Sand storms, flying trees, rain, hail, and much more. The day started out beautiful coming out of Friday prayer, and we were supposed to play football(ู…ู„ุนุจ ุตุงุจูˆู†) at around 8pm but soon all shit went down..

The tree in the middle of 4th. ring road :

It was sort of blocking traffic, some guys tried to remove it and move traffic, then a guy with his family in a Pathfinder dragged it into Khaldiya.

MP dewaniyas or tents :

That will cost them..

Even MickyD’s didn’t come out safeย  of this :

My old school :

I have a bunch of videos, but I’m too lazy to host them. The net’s probably filled with them..

My friend called the football guy to cancel and he was like “No shit?”. We still went there to get our deposit back..

End of transmission.

p.s. I blame you.

It’s almost as if I found The Mask but in shirt form, everytime I wear this shirt something bad happens to me..but along with it, I manage to get out of trouble. It is truly, an adventure shirt. I look handsome in it too, which makes it even funner! Read what you wish, irrelevant stories of my lucky shirt. Arr..

Encounter With The Policia

The other day I was driving, along with some friends of mine and I was driving them back home. Everything was nice, and I was singing “Naseeni eldonya..” in a very melodic voice, it was more like screaming but to the singer it always sounds perfect. Anyway, I turn left with the traffic light and I see traffic in the middle of a supposedly long road, I look ahead and I see police lights. “Dear God, it’s a checkpoint!”, I said. Now in the year or so I’ve been driving, I’ve never encountered one and there was no escape of this one.

I took the far right, said “fuck it!” and reversed my way threw a side turn(koo3/far3i) quickly knowing they’re absolutely watching me, but as I was backing up a damn car got in the turn, so I had to skillfully make the turn fit two cars for him to pass which was basically me turning left a bit, but it was awesome nonetheless. The guy lowered his window and said “YEAH! Back up! Back up! Ahaha!” as I laughed at how friendly, us males, can be in times of crisis. I evaded the police in case you can’t conclude that..

Losing My Virginity With a Camera Present

The other day I was driving so calmly cursing and making hand moves suggesting to the imbecile behind me to turn off his lights, those damn xenon lights. Every car seems to have them, and I don’t know if they think I’m a jarbo3 or something, but that’s a damn blinding light especially if it reflects in all 3 mirrors and I have to scream like a vampire when I’m exposed to them. Some guys are kind enough to turn it off at traffic lights and whenever they know it’s bothering someone, and others only need a gesture from me to do so, but girls like to play dumb as I lose my eyesight. What’s the universal sign of a light by the way? Is it the “mooni mooni nice nice” hand gesture?”

Anyway, I was driving and suddenly “SNAP!” it took my picture. I was going 110..120 in a 100kmph road, I lost my speed camera virginity right there. I was quite shocked, but I realized something. I’m truly an arrogant asshole, even though I was shocked but my look was a snobby eyebrow up to the camera, almost as I was saying “Yes, yes, you took my picture? What now, you..you plastic object? Fuck you! I am alive, and you are not! Pitiful plastic imbecile..”.

Reunion With The Policia

The other day I was extremely bored, but it was late at night. I felt the urge to go out, but I had no excuse but then I got a call from a friend in need. He was in my area in need of a ride home, he didn’t want to take a taxi home alone. I don’t blame him, even a man would fear for his ass being in an unmarked taxi car with a 190cm Syrian guy in the late hours of the night. suspic is a good man, and went to aid him looking nice and dandy.

He and another friend who lives in the area got in the car, and I thought “I’m already out, so why not make it worth it..” and I proceeded to go to the 2nd ring road to view some drag racing. I crossed the bridge, and there was a police car with every light off in the safety lane, and as soon as I got enough on the bridge to view the horizon I was slapped in the face by a Bad Boys like scene. Police sirens, orange and blue lights everywhere, many cars pulled over, it was a damn check point and there was no escape. The parked police car tailgated me since I hit the breaks a couple of times so I wouldn’t reverse my way out or anything, and I was doomed. “Fuck!” we all silently agreed as I parked in line…

The car in front of me went ahead, and it was my turn. I moved ahead, rolled my window down and handed him my Civil ID since I lack a license saying “Peace be upon you!”, and he just smirked. My 18th. birthday is soon, but the funny thing is the picture there is of me when I was 10 years old. He asked me if I had a learner’s permit, and I said it was at home when it wasn’t, and he asked me about my family a couple of times and then the lovely beautiful soul of the tall dark man said “6oof!” as in “Pass!”.

I drove the fuckers home, and got back afterwards. Even though I encountered another police car which followed me but I pretended it wasn’t there after going “FUCK! AGAIN?!” several times, I took a swift turn in Bnaid Algar or something and evaded once again. I question if they’d help me out if I’m ever in need, but that rarely happens so moving on..

End of transmission.

We’re disgustingly taking all that stuff about you women, and what wolverine tendencies you have once a month in religion class and how it applies to praying and such.

For suspic, none of that stuff exists. In fact, hot women don’t even go to the bathroom. If they do in malls, their bathrooms don’t have toilets, just mirrors and sinks..while ugly ones on the other hand should be locked up in the bathrooms, but that’s another case.

Anyway, during class, one of my lovely peers asked this..

Hamad : If a woman’s pregnant and she goes to the bathroom, does the baby drop?

AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

My stomach hurt holding the laugh, I had to shove my face into the desk a couple of times to stop from giggling so much. Amazing. Also, I love how they only discuss the lesson with the teacher when it envolves this kind of stuff.

I just wish I had a time machine to go back to when their moms were pregnant with them, and absolutely superkick their bellies with tearful joy in my eyes til I hear “squish”..

End of transmission.