As I sat at Cinnabon’s today I noticed 2 very old men sitting at the corner, being all quiet, just staring at people and I thought “what the hell are they doing here?” then I looked at what they were looking, and they were looking at girls!

I’ve been seeing these bastards all over coffee shops, they just sit in the corner staring at people. Every 20 minutes, one of them went to take a walk and then he’d come back and do his thing all over again. I hope they don’t go and touch themselves in the bathroom after seeing a girl they liked.

Problem is another guy came and they knew him, then as they left another old man came and he greeted them from a distance. It’s like a pedophile’s dream spot, sit at a cafe and watch sexy 16 year olds pass by with your fellow pedos.

End of transmission.

Yes, I’ve returned. We slept at a creepy deserted house, a lot of shit happened, we ditched the place after one night.

A Failicha stories post is in the making, don’t my friends look like they’re travelling to Mumbai?

After we arrived to Salmiya’s port..

End of transmission.

Off to Failicha til Tuesday.

How shall I put it, “xoxoxo”? Perhaps I should add some of this “:*”? Ooh, how about some of this “<3″ ?

Seriously though, if I don’t come back alive..moochrex has my death letter. It contains everything I think of each and every one of you, plus who I’m leaving the blog to. He’s also in charge of writing my biography, he might need quotes about how I enriched your intellect and brightened up your days..or how much of an asshole I was, your choice.

You may proceed to sob.

End of transmission.

P.S. If I die and they bring my corpse, please keep pink away from it mooch. Who knows what she’ll do to my body when I can’t fight back..

I recently went to this movie at the Avenues, and it was excellent. I recommend it. It’s a refreshing comedy, romance, drama thing and it has Steve and Dane. It’s highly enjoyable, easy and interesting to follow. I hear it’s going to be out on DVD very soon, so romance comedies aren’t a must-see in cinemas so you can wait.

Our biggest challenges were parking, the small cinema, and finding a restaurant.

I live in Yarmouk so the Avenues is relatively close, which made us think it was right next door making us leave at 6.50 for a 7PM movie. It was quickly solved with the valet parking. It sucked waiting for the car in the cold when we got out, but it was made easier by that kids belly dancing near the fountains. That kid could out-do Shakira in one hip turn.

The cinema experience was nice, except the theater was small which made me hear everything. I could hear people’s bowl movement. What made me want to grab an axe and go crazy was the Filipinos behind me. One of them had one of the loudest laughs I’ve ever heard, at first it was cute, but when she started to repeat every funny line to her friend I just wished I had a bear to snap her neck off. Okay, I’m just kidding but she was a little annoying screaming “Ahaha! You’re the man!”, “Ahahaha! See you later, Dan!”, “Ahaha! Unplug the pipes!”. I wanted to scream “Silence, you demon!”.

After the movie we obviously wanted dinner, suspic must feast. Being a fast-food or mchabees man, I obviously don’t care for any of the restaurants but the fellowship of the night did. We went to Johny Rockets which was crowded, then shitty Chilis which was crowded too with people waiting outside in the cold, then to this Italian restaurant with a snobby Egyptian host, then to this weird ass Paul which was crowded too, then to Pizza Express. It seems every restaurant is a gimmick restaurant. Bon appetite though, I’ll take my cheeseburger over ‘em.

End of transmission.

I truly believe my new English teacher is a robot. I sincerely believe so.

Usually in English class I don’t bring the books, I don’t write and basically I do nothing but be there for the attendance sheet doodling my ass off on every table. This robot is very strict, I have to write, I have to solve things, I have to participate, basically I have to work. I’m not being unfair, this isn’t English literature this is learning a foreign language. So, why am I obligated to do things I’ve already known for 6 years?

I have to suffer through a Syrian guy trying to sound posh with a British accent, but he’s a robot..so it’s words said with a British accent with a 1..2 second pause in between. He prounces over “Oh-vaaah!”, and to “tooeeeew”. The only way to nail it is to extend your jaw as you say it. He moves in a robotic way too. As my friend put it, he looks like he has a warm up his ass..but I say it’s a portable charger up his tinfoil anus.

What further proves my point is his answers to the brilliant question that brought orgasm to my intellect which was “Do you see spaceships and other amazing inventions in the future? Mention some!”. He answered “Robots instead of teachers”. I’ll leave you with the rest of my classmates answers :

• Flying. Without anything, he just said “like this..” and then proceeded to flap his arms.
• Football. I think this kid was high, or he thought it was another “What’s your favourite hobby?” question.
• Cars that drive in the sea. They’re called boats, dumbfuck. Boats.

Did I say how much he smirked and basked in his own greatness when he told us how the D in sandwich is not to be pronounced?

I’m better than this. I swear I’m better than this.

End of transmission.

I hate this time of year. I’m not a cynical person, but this year I’m just not in the mood. It’s become more of a social obligation than a celebration. If you’re a guy you must go have a foam party in the middle of the streets and risk getting arrested or fighting with a random stranger for foaming them in the middle of a foam party. If you’re a girl you can either stay at home or risk getting felt up and raped with foam in the process of the foam party with the creatures coming from all gulf countries, not to mention our far far away suburbs.

For example, my friends and I are going to Failicha to do what we did last year, pack some sleeping bags, find an empty house and sleep in it, do a little Blair Witch crap, foam some people then leave and head out to a camp or some chalet. It’s a lot of fun, but it’s expected. The question is when we out grow this, what’s left to do.

In the meantime let’s enjoy this conversation between two kids during the national anthem ceremony in the morning :

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A : فلان ليش ما تقول النشيد الوطني؟

B : !ليش اقوله؟ انا مو كويتي. انا ايراني

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يعني لو عن كسل يعطيك العافية من له خلق شي بالهصبح ، بس تتجرأ تقول جذي بمدرسة كويتية حكومية تستاهل اغتصاب بعامود العلم

Just for shits and giggles, imagine this kid growing up to fill an important position in Kuwait.

End of transmission.

As some of you know I enjoy advertisements, and I enjoy flipping through al-waseet in search of incredibly stupid ones for a good laugh. Sometimes I share it with you people because I love you, or because I need a filler.

Anyway, let’s get to it!

I think I’m worth a lot more than 10,000KD..

(more…)

So I just came back from camp, I have great tales for you kids, but sadly my favourite pullover now smells like cigs from my cousin. Along with the smell of foam, I almost kicked a 5 year old’s ass for that..but I just picked him up and wiped the foam with his body instead of my hands. It must’ve looked like I was dry humping a midget..

Clash Of The Titans

This guy is weird, when he gets bored he gets physical. Suddenly as we were sitting he lashed me with a wire, out of no where! So I let out a screech of agony, then he follows with another one so I got up and kicked his ass.

Two hours later I’m ambushed from the back to get my ass kicked. He can’t simply let it go, we must be even.

It’s either you or me!

It’s very common for men to make it personal with an object. My cousin and I practically raped a headlight for the camp or whatever it’s called, “kashaf”. We wanted to open it so we’d replace the bulb, but the screws wouldn’t even move. One pinned it, and the other tried to open it. We broke 3 screwdrivers and they didn’t even nudge.

We ended up stabbing it, kicking it, throwing it away, bringing it back, stabbing it again.

Bottomline, Philips is good.

Grr! I’m a manosaur!

U-turns along the road down south are very tough. A lot of speeding traffic and such, rarely you get a clean chance to go out. Anyway, we got out with a car approaching in the distance, so as it approached it flickered at us with the high beams, so my cousin replied with the same. Later, we both took the same turn right and we surpassed them, so the guy sped next to us and just gave me the stare of death, so I replied with my look of shame.

Minutes afterwards, both cars are screaming and apparently willing to fight for some odd reason. This shitty pimped up Yukon with weird ass interior is taking the moral high ground, so it ended with the Yukon driving slowly and swerving on us then speeding away.

Quite gay and ape like.

Male Intelligence

They’re trying to set up a trap for a desert rat. I couldn’t help but stand there evil laughing at how superior I am to them. Imbeciles.

End of transmission.

Yesterday, I was interrupted by a road block on the gulf road. Everyone had to take a detour to the 3rd ring road. Heavy police and black Yukons action was present, only the right lane was closed.

Theories :

• Alien landing.

If it is aliens and they are now scanning our networks, I will hunt you down. I repeat, I will hunt you down.

End of transmission.

Such an epic name for a car, no? Pathfinder, a machine that finds a path where there is none!

Today I got up for school, drank my choco milk, ate a cupcake and got in the car. As I was sitting there contemplating on why mornings are so bright to my sleep deprived eyes, I witnessed something. Something that defined my neighbours.

A pathfinder fits 5, 2 in front, and 3 in the back. The neighbor’s driver was up front alone, 2 girls got in the back then I saw the maid load up the bags in the trunk..then I saw the maid climb up, and crawl up in the trunk and close the hatch on herself for the driver to drive away.

On how many levels of wrong was that? To think I thought one of them was shmekshy.

Having people to serve around you is awesome enough, but to load them up in the trunk of the car is just funny in a perverted way.

“Okay Kumari, we’re going to travel. We need to weigh you in so you’d be shipped with the luggage. Shed a few pounds, don’t wanna pay for extra weight!”

“Kumari, the country’s being invaded. Here’s a spoon. Goodluck, toodles!…Oh wait, make me lunch to go!”

I like to think I’m pretty nice to people who literally live with me. I admit I’m a nightmare in the mornings. All they hear is roars and chewbacca screams when they wake me up in the morning, and I can smell the fear in them knocking..but that’s due to my reputation of heavy sleeping and sunshine mood in mornings, other than that I’m the charming funny one. I do get shit from my cousins when they call me “habeebi” in public, but hey I’m habeeb. I get more shit from my sister when she hears laughter in the background when I walk out of the kitchen and she asks..

“ha gaziraw 3laik? (Had fun on your expense?)”

“yeah, all I wanted was choco milk.. :( ”

There’s no moral to the story(there is but I don’t want to turn into that kind of poster), I just wanted to add further love to the neighbor surnamed “fatass” by me. “Pregnant man” was my second option..

How Posh Are You? (%27)

End of transmission.